


when you wake up

by spontaneoushazel



Series: the coffeeshop guild [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, bokuaka crumbs, coffee shop AU, even though its basically over now, freckles!hinata because he matters, happy kenhina day, kenhina - Freeform, kenhinaday2020, tsukiyama crumbs, unrequited kurotsukki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23935234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spontaneoushazel/pseuds/spontaneoushazel
Summary: There was a boy asleep at Kenma's table.orKenma just wants to enjoy some alone time before class but ends up befriending a cute boy.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Series: the coffeeshop guild [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740958
Comments: 45
Kudos: 299





	when you wake up

**Author's Note:**

> us by clara mae

There was a boy sleeping at Kenma’s table.

Every day for two years he'd come to the same coffee shop in between classes, Old Crows Cafe, known just as Crows by it’s regulars. It was the cafe furthest away from campus, which was optimal, but not so isolated that he would stand out if spotted. He could comfortably study or play games for as long as he needed, preferably at his favorite table right in the back next to two electrical outlets. 

That day, he'd hoped to spend the next two hours on his Switch, perfecting his island in Animal Crossing since his workload was light for once. He’d order his normal dark roast and shut out the real world.

Only there was a boy fast asleep, mouth wide open, at his table. 

It was impossible not to stop and stare, just a litte. It might not have been the first time he’d found someone taking up the space he called his own, but they were usually faceless NPCs in his head, clacking away on their keyboards or rambling on to someone on their phone. But the way he couldn’t look away from the boy, how his sleeping face was already etched into his head only after a few seconds, it was like starting a new game and immediately knowing who the hero was. 

Looking around to find another seat, he pushed the thought out of his head. Tomorrow he’d walk in and it would be like nobody had ever been in his seat at all. All the weird thoughts about random napping heros would cease. 

But for some awful reason, the shop was filled to the brim with people, most of them not even ordering anything. There was an empty seat right by the window, but it was just a little too close to the end of the counter where everyone liked to stand and wait for their orders. He couldn’t risk getting pulled into small talk with people who talked just to fill the air with conversation. Nothing against them, in fact he was friends with a few people like that, but they weren’t the kind of company he wanted to keep during his downtime. 

His eyes flickered back to his table, at the seat across from the red-headed boy. 

Well if he _had_ to sit close to some stranger, an unconscious one is the best way to go. He quietly set his bag down on the edge of the table furthest away from him, and anxiously stepped away to place his order. 

While he waited for it, he eyed the boy warily. What kind of person just passes out in public like this? Kenma couldn't imagine letting his guard down that much. 

The boy’s hair was wild, a few cowlicks poking out in random directions. He had one arm stretched all the way over the table, the other folded underneath his cheek as a pillow, collecting a pool of drool.

But despite the chaotic appearance the boy gave off, the more he looked at him the more he relaxed. It was strange, the way he almost felt drawn to him as if he were a potential party member in whatever quest destined for the hero before him. What kind of journey would await them? This hero was the easy going type, considering he could lower his defenses like that. It might be fun, being a support unit for that kind of character. 

The coffee shop transformed into a guild before his eyes; the menu turned to wanted posters, the aesthetic paintings warped into shields and swords and armor. The lights were dim, all except the light shining above the brave hero who would wake up and decide that Kenma was the perfect fit for his future party of adventurers. Together they would take down the wicked corrupted evil in the land and save the day. 

"Kozume!" called the barista, shocking Kenma out of his daze. His make believe guild disappeared and he could feel the blood rushing into his cheeks as he swiftly retrieved his drink, hoping no one noticed how flustered he was. 

He shouldn't be staring at a total stranger so intensely. What would Kuroo say? Nevermind, he knew what Kuroo would say, and that made him feel more embarrassed, and also annoyed. The obvious solution was to just ignore him. So he pulled out his console and focused on the game right in front of him, and not some make believe adventure in his head. 

Games like this were perfect to kill time. There was enough to do to get into it, but you could take it easy and stop whenever. About an hour went by and by then he'd almost forgotten that he wasn't technically alone until he heard "Wow! Your island is incredible!" 

His hands froze over the joycons and he turned his head slowly. Brown eyes met with his own and he could do nothing but look away nervously. When had the boy woken up? How long was he…

"Is that fun?" 

Kenma blinked. "Uh." He looked down at his Switch, then back at the boy who was closer than he was a few moments ago, and finally settled on staring at the wall. "It's good for killing time, I guess," he answered softly. 

Nodding like what he said made enough sense, the boy yawned and rubbed his eyes with his sleeves. "I...didn't mean to...fall asleep." His arms stretched out and Kenma noticed indents in his skin from the table's edge and decided to focus on them rather than the exposed skin now visible as his shirt rode up. "I'm Hinata Shouyo, by the way! Nice to meet you." 

"Um," Kenma murmured, taken aback by the sheer force of light radiating from him, "Kozume…" He saw the boy,'s –Hinata Shouyo's– eyes widen as if he was waiting for more and gulped before adding "Kozume Kenma." 

"Do you come here a lot, Kenma?" 

He was caught off guard by the sudden sound of his name from the strangers mouth, but it wasn't exactly a bad feeling. It fit his voice rather well actually. "Almost every day."

His smile was a solar beam. "Cool!" 

Unsure what to say to say next, he slowly shifted his attention back to his game. In a few seconds surely the boy would realize he wasn't the best conversationalist and he'd either leave or pretend he didn't exist. It was the kind of thing he did consciously and absentmindedly, a second nature. But now it formed a knot in his gut and he frowned. Another reason to avoid the attention of others; it hurts when they decide you aren't interesting enough to keep it. 

"Can I watch?" 

Kenma blinked, noticing that the space between them had dwindled even more, and Shouyo was leaning over the table to get a look at his switch. "Okay," he said before his brain could process it, and that one word was all it took for Shouyo to take the seat next to him, seemingly unbothered at being so close to a complete stranger.

Shouyo didn't speak for a long time, but his body was anything but quiet. His hands traced circles on the table and he had to shift in his seat almost every two minutes. But his eyes were focused, glued to Kenma's screen as if were the one playing. The nervous awareness that had sprouted inside him at the thought of someone looking over his shoulder dispelled and eventually he stopped caring. 

In fact, he was a little disappointed when it was time for him to go. 

“Bye,” he said, wondering if he should say more. 

“Bye Kenma! See you later!”

“Yeah,” he replied, letting loose a small smile before walking away. He wouldn’t mind if he ran into him every once in a while, but he wouldn’t expect it. 

x

  
  
  


"You're back!" 

Kenma wasn't exactly a man of many words, but he was rarely rendered speechless. Now, eyeing the boy standing across the counter with the same smile from yesterday plastered on his face, wearing a soft chestnut colored apron and a 'Hi! I'm new!' pin stuck to his uniform, he couldn't find the words. 

"Are you surprised to see me, _Kenma?_ " The way he proudly emphasized each syllable made it hard for Kenma to look him in the eye. Talk about embarrassing. 

"Shouyo," he responded quietly, before his entire face scrunched up.. He hadn't actually said his name out loud yesterday. Even as he packed up and said goodbye he only waved, wondering if he'd ever actually see him again. 

"You remember!" 

"It's only been one day." 

Shouyo laughed. "But it still makes me glad! So what can I get for you?" 

An explanation would be nice, although through clues and a little bit of critical thinking, he could come up with one. All those people yesterday loitering? Candidates for open interviews. And the boy asleep on his table must have been one of them. 

Shouyo listened intently to his order, struggling a little with the touch screen. His tongue stuck out in concentration and Kenma laughed, 

“I got this! Just watch!”

“I believe you,” he said back, earning another bright smile. 

“Hinata, you dumbass! There is a line! Hurry up!” Another cashier walked up and towered over Shouyo, glaring at the both of them. “I’m so sorry, sir. He’s new,” he said, taking over. 

“You can’t expect me to get it overnight, Kageyama.”

“Whatever,” he said, finishing up and putting on a forced smile. “Thank you for your patience. Thank you. Next order please!”

And like that, Kenma was pulled out of his weird, bright bubble. Shouyo continued trying to take orders and didn’t seem to have time to give Kenma another glance. But that was to be expected, wasn’t it?

His table was empty and the hours went by the same way they always had before yesterday, give or take a few unwanted impulses to look over at the counter and see how a certain barista was doing. 

He seemed to be getting the hang of it, and eventually even the scary cashier stopped smothering him. The problem with that was the easier it got, the more he smiled. And the more he smiled, the more Kenma couldn’t look away. 

He couldn’t help the way his shoulders slumped when he snuck a glance and Shouyo wasn’t anywhere to be found. Maybe his shift was over? Oh well. 

“Is this seat taken?”

Kenma’s stomach tilted. Shouyo stood there, hands on his hips and a grin that took up his entire face. 

“No.”

“I’m sooooooo tired,” he said, yawning into his hand as he sat down across from Kenma. “Thank goodness for breaks!”

“It’s your first day. You’ll get used to it.”

He nodded, resting his head on the table. “No Animal Crossing today?”

“No. Just homework.”

“Too bad,” Shouyo said into another drowsy yawn. “I really liked watching you play.”

Kenma’s cheeks reddened, and he once again was at a loss for words. So he returned his attention to his computer and reminded himself he couldn’t afford to get too distracted. He had volleyball practice later and a streaming session after that. 

But even a quiet Shouyo could mess with his concentration. He peeked over the top of his laptop and let out a breathless laugh. 

There in front of him, he was asleep. Incredible. 

“You’re really something,” he said because he knew he wouldn’t hear him. 

  
  


X

“Can you believe how much Kageyama yelled at me yesterday? It’s not like I meant to fall asleep!”

For the third day in a row, he found himself sitting with Shouyo. He listened to him complain about his coworker, who apparently was even scarier than Kenma originally thought. 

Yesterday when Shouyo had fallen asleep, rather than waking him up despite suspecting that his lunch break had come and gone, he’d simply used it as an opportunity to take a closer look. And after careful consideration, he concluded that he not only emitted a light of his own, but could take the light that reflected off his skin and make it brighter. He was beautiful, and Kenma wondered what he’d done to earn such casual friendliness from someone like that when he was positive his own light was as dim as an old candle in a cave. 

Is that why he was undeniably drawn to him? Because he had what Kenma lacked?

The thought didn’t sit well with him, so when the bossy barista slammed his hand down right next to Shouyo’s face, he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. 

“WAKE UP, DUMBASS!” he yelled, causing Shouyo to jump up with a shout. 

“WHAT THE HECK, KAGEYAMA?” Then he must have realized where he was, because he shrank down and shoved his face in his hands. “Oh, no! I fell asleep!”

Kenma could only watch, shocked at their lack of restraint. All eyes were on them and if that wasn’t bad enough, the manager had stepped out and decided to join in too, telling the two boys that if they didn’t stop fighting that they’d have to close the entire cafe by themselves for a week. 

“Sorry, Daichi,” they both said with a bow. Kageyama sent one last glare Shouyo’s way before walking off. 

“He’s so cranky,” he grumbled, glancing at Kenma who quickly found his homework very interesting. “Sorry about that! I should be more careful.”

“I’ll wake you up next time,” Kenma had blurted out without thinking. It was such a presumptuous thing for him to say, like he was expecting it to happen, but it wasn’t like that really. If he was being honest, it was more that he kind of wanted it to happen again. He couldn’t tell Shouyo that though.

“Really? Thanks!” 

He wasn’t sure if his words were the reason they were sitting together again the day after that, or if it would have ended up that way regardless, but he knew he was happy. 

They talked a little while Kenma worked on his assignments. It turned out that Shouyo got the job at Crow’s through Kageyama, who he had gone to high school with. 

“Are you a university student?” 

“Nope! I’m saving up to go to Brazil!”

Out of all the possible answers, he hadn’t been expecting that. “Wow. Why Brazil?”

“Volleyball!” he beamed. “There’s a program there that I absolutely have to go to. I’ve been saving up since the end of my third year, but it’s hard to find jobs that can work around my tight practice schedule. But then I joined this amazing community team, and my coach’s family owns this place so it’s perfect! Most of us here actually are on the team. The manager? He’s our captain!”

A shiver jolted through Kenma and he thought of all the things he wanted to say, and could practically see the dialogue options floating in front of him. 

Press A for “No kidding? What position do you play?”

  
Press B for “That’s insane. Why beach volleyball?”

Press △ for “How are you real? Like honestly, how do you exist in this timeline? Every day you shock me and I hope you never stop.”

Instead, he just said, “Cool.” 

“You look like you’re holding back! What, surprised because I’m so short?”

“Huh? No, not really. I don’t think height is really a big deal in volleyball. Sure it’s convenient, but relying on height alone is a strategic nightmare.” He stopped when he saw brown eyes begin to water. “Um, are you okay?”

“Kenma! I’m so happy!” he belted, too dazzling to look at head on. “But wow, you sound like you know a bit about volleyball.”

“Oh,” he mumbled, suddenly nervous. “Well…I…” he started to say, but was drowned out by a voice so loud it made the coffee in his cup rattle. 

“YO HINATA!” shouted a man from the entrance, accompanied by a few other guys following behind him. “Get me a freakin’ coffee!” He added with a shit eating grin. For a second, Kenma wondered if his roommate had shaved off his mohawk and developed a drawl overnight, but no. This guy was no Yamamoto. 

One of the others jumped out from behind, arms in the air, nearly knocking over a table. “SHOUUYOOO! CONGRATS ON THE NEW JOB!! DON'T GET FIRED, OKAY!!”

When the third person stepped out, everyone in the entire building seemed to tense for another loud voice, but instead he simply grabbed the two loud guys by the back of their collars and gave them a look Kenma would have hated to have directed at him. “Will you two cut it out? We can’t go anywhere, I swear.”

From behind the counter, one of the baristas muttered a “Thanks, Ennoshita,” and just like that, calm returned to the atmosphere. 

It seemed like they were going to join them, and Kenma tensed up. He hadn’t been prepared for this and he didn’t feel like sharing Shouyo’s company either. He liked his attention, his light being aimed at him. 

Thankfully, the shorter one stopped and elbowed the Yamamoto clone, giving him a sly smile. For a second it looked like he was eyeing Kenma, and the group found another table. He let out a long breath. 

It wasn’t a long respite however, when he realized Shouyo would probably leave to go sit with them. They were friends right? What reason did he possibly have to stay over here for the next ten minutes when he could be laughing with guys who could easily light up a dark cave with their own light. 

Those thoughts were like hot wax, burning him from the inside. 

“You can go sit with them,” he said. ( _Don’t go.)_

He waited to him to say thanks, to get up out of his seat and easily settle into the conversation going on over there. 

“I don’t want to.”

Kenma caught his breath. “Why?”

“Because I want to spend time with you.”

The words shook him up so much that he never got around to telling Shouyo that he played volleyball too. 

  
  
  


x

  
  
  
  


Every day after that his eyes shot towards the counter as soon as he walked in, looking for Shouyo. 

Even if he could only spare a wave and a smile, he always managed to catch Kenma's attention. At first it had been slightly nerve-wracking, but eventually his interactions with the boy in the coffee shop became an essential part of his daily routine. 

So when he walked in one Thursday afternoon and didn't see him, he couldn't stop the way his chest tightened. 

A new girl he didn’t recognize, blonde and full of anxiety, took his order instead. He could tell from the way she stuttered that she thought he was eyeing the staff room because he wanted to file a complaint about her, but really he was just waiting, hoping, that the orange haired barista would step out. 

He didn't. 

"Thank you," he made sure to tell her, watching air deflate out of her like a popped balloon. "Um," he sucked in his lips and attempted a smile. He wanted to ask about Shouyo but wouldn't that be kind of weird? They weren’t friends outside of the coffee shop. In the end he simply stuck to his thanks and retreated back to his table. 

The seat across from him was empty until he left.

  
  


x

  
  
  


"Where were you yesterday?" He asked before he changed his mind. 

Shouyo was back and working the register, which Kenma was glad for. He'd been anxious since the day before when he hadn't been working. All sorts of thoughts scrambled into his head one after another: He didn't work there anymore, he got into a freak car accident, he decided that Kenma was kind of a freak and changed his entire schedule so he wouldn’t risk running into him. 

Admittedly, he was being dramatic. And pretty clingy, he thought, which he especially hated after asking him that question before even saying hello. 

But it didn't seem to phase Hinata. If anything, he seemed happy. "Did you miss me?" 

Kenma didn't say anything but Shouyo kept smiling. There was something about that smile that made him braver. He was about to blurt out that yes, he did miss him, but he didn't get the chance. Why did that keep happening?

There was an earth shattering shout from the back room. "Hinata, you _moron!"_ and all the color from his face was gone in a flash. Shooting Kenma an apologetic glance, he let the same new girl from yesterday take over the register and vanished to the back. 

"Sorry about that. What can I get you?" 

Kenma's eyes were still glued to where Shouyo's back had disappeared when he placed his order. 

  
  


x

It was the weekend. Weekends were for sleeping in from a long night of streaming. So why was he awake at eight in the morning?

"Tell me again why you dragged me away from my room?" 

Kuroo gave him his usual coy smile. "Because you need to get some fresh air. Feel the sun on your skin. Work those muscles in a practice game." 

"We don't even have practice today. I was busy." 

"Doing what? Sleeping? What time did you go to sleep last night, anyway? You need a full night of sleep for a healthy lifestyle."

"That's what long mornings are for…" Kenma grumbled, rolling his eyes. "And you didn't answer my question." 

"Yeah I did." 

"No. I want the real answer. Why a sudden saturday practice?" 

It was the way Kuroo's eyes gleamed, the way his smile was slightly sheepish, slightly amused. Kenma groaned. "Who is he?" 

Not one bit shocked he'd been read like a book, Kuroo said "My biology tutor." 

"Your— your what?" If there was anything Kuroo didn't need, it was a tutor. Especially in his own field of study. "Why are you…" _Oh._ "I hate you." 

Kuroo laughed. "If you were in my position, you'd understand." 

Kenma decided to ignore him and move on. "What does your tutor have to do with volleyball?" 

Kuroo's eyes widened like he'd just realized he hadn't explained that part. "Ah yes. He's on a team of his own, so I figured we could meet up for an extra practice— _whoa._ Don't look at me like that. It's terrifying." 

He probably looked like that until they reached their university's gymnasium. Even though practice was technically canceled, the volleyball team still had access to the court for those who didn't want to go a day without it. Kenma would never understand. 

Of course his roommate, Yamamoto, was there getting all pumped up. When he saw Kenma he shouted. "All riiiiight! The gang's all here." 

Kenma walked straight to the locker room without so much as a second glance, mumbling to himself about best friends who drag him out to play just so they can flirt. 

When he finished changing there were a few new faces making their way in. He saw Kuroo throw his arm lazily around a lanky blonde who looked just as resigned as Kenma felt. That must be the tutor. 

He looked away when Kuroo waved him over. The last thing he wanted was to introduce himself to the guy he'd probably be hearing non-stop gushing about for weeks, assuming things went well. Which, knowing Kuroo, had about a fifty-fifty chance. 

"Don't ignore me, Kenma!" he shouted and Kenma wanted to crawl into a hole. He blew out a defeated breath and slowly walked towards his friend, whose stupid grin was plastered across his entire face. 

"You're creepy when you smile like that," he said. 

The tutor snickered. 

"Kenma, meet Tsukki. Tsukki, meet–"

" _Kenma_?!"

His entire body just stopped. No thoughts, no breathing, no movements. The familiar voice zapped away his HP in a critical hit. Instant K.O. 

There was a flash of orange and then Shouyo was standing in front of him, mouth wide open. He looked Kenma up and down slowly before loudly asking "You play volleyball?" 

He didn't— _couldn't_ answer right away. His mind was still trying to process exactly what was happening. He blinked, making sure he wasn't actually in a dream. 

Luckily Kuroo was at his side, hand on his shoulder to steady him and like a recovery potion, brought him back to life. "Oi. Kenma. Friend of yours?" 

"Uh," he started, taking a moment to look at the boy from the coffee shop. He seemed to be waiting for an answer as well, peering like whatever he said next was the answer to all the questions of the universe. "Yes," he finally said even though it didn't feel quite right. 

Friend? Kuroo was his friend. Yamamoto was his friend (although he'd never say that to his face.) He even got along well with his lab partner, Akaashi. 

But Shouyo was...the boy from the coffee shop. He existed in an entirely different realm of existence. His face flushed when he thought about trying to put it into words. 

Of course, Kuroo noticed. "Oho! Well, well. Please introduce me to your _friend_ , Kenma."

He wanted to disappear. "Shouyo is a barista at Crows." 

Shouyo beamed. "Kenma is my favorite regular. Sometimes he even lets me watch him play games during my breaks, but I always lose track of time and get scolded." He paused to stare at Kenma again, before adding "I can't believe you didn’t tell me you play! What position are you?" 

"S-setter." 

A blissful sigh escaped his mouth. "Of course you're a setter." But then, as if he hadn't meant to say that, he covered his mouth with his hand. Kuroo's muffled laughter didn't help. 

Kenma tried to ignore the whole thing, too embarrassed and overwhelmed to think about it, and said "What about you?" 

Immediately forgetting his earlier blunder, Hinata perked up and enthusiastically said "Middle Blocker!"

"Barely," mumbled Tsukki, with a smirk. 

"Hey! I heard that!" 

It was different seeing Shouyo in a different element. He watched silently as the two bickered and tried to imagine what other sides there were to him. He desperately wanted to know, and the thought had him feeling uneasy, because he didn’t want to acknowledge what it might mean.

  
  


x

Their relationship changed after that. 

On monday, his cup had a phone number on it next to a poorly drawn volleyball and TEXT ME written underneath it in big letters. Kenma smiled. 

  
  


x

"How," Kenma half hissed half choked, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his forearm, "are you still standing?" 

They'd been practicing for hours and for a boy who slept so much at work, he sure was a monster in the court. 

It was too much. 

"I just can't help it. If there's a ball being set for me I'm going to spike it!" Shouyo said it like he'd coined the phrase, thumb on his chest, eyes hazy. "Especially your sets. Your sets are completely new to me. I'm so used to _waaa bummm!_ But your tosses are more like _haaa tsss!_ It's so you. I want to master them." 

Kenma groaned, pushing away the fluttering the compliment caused in his stomach. No amount of praise from the sunshine boy was going to make him put up _any_ more balls. No way. He pulled the hair tie off his wrist and began pulling his hair back into a bun. "Well I," he paused, taking a breath, "am done now. Not everyone can have the stats of some hidden secret boss monster." 

He waited for Hinata to laugh or beg for one last set (which would actually turn into at least five sets) but all he heard was a sharp breath. When he peeked through the hair hanging over his eyes he just barely saw Shouyo’s face, and he bit his lip.

“Shouyo, you’re staring.”

“I uh!” He scratched the back of his head nervously. “I’ve never seen you wear your hair up! It looks good.”

_It looks good._

Later, he’d repeat those words in his head for the rest of the night, thinking about them even as he drifted off to sleep. They’d be the subject of his dreams and when he woke up in the middle of the night gripping the sheets, brown eyes and the ghost of a phantom touch on his face, he knew he couldn’t deny it anymore. 

Hinata Shouyo may have been a source of endless light, but Kenma wasn’t simply drawn to him for that reason. It wasn’t just intrigue, or admiration. And it certainly wasn't a pure feeling of friendship. He didn’t want to be his friend.

What he wanted was more.

x 

Realizing he had feelings for Shouyo was both terrifying and exhilarating. 

On one hand, his heart and head felt light and he found himself smiling to himself more and more. Nights on the phone talking about everything and nothing, waking up to text messages full of exclamation marks and emojis, it was all so new and welcome. He’d never appreciated those kinds of moments from anyone else. He started looking forward to things he never cared about before, all because he would think about how he would tell him about it later. 

But on the other hand, sometimes he would overthink things to the point where he wanted to cry. Was Shouyo’s gaze lingering on him because he felt the same way, or was he imagining it? Worse, was he starting to be too obvious? What would he think if he knew how often Kenma stared at his retreating back, how many times he’d scooted his hand closer and closer, wondering how it would feel if their fingers brushed against each other for just a second. 

Would it make him uncomfortable, cause him to pull away from what he thought was just a mutual friendship? That fear is what scared him the most. 

Well, there might have been something scarier, but he wasn’t ready to think about it. 

They were sitting next to each other during Shouyo’s break, Kenma’s game paused while he listened to him talk about some crazy customer that came in earlier. 

He liked it when Shouyo talked. It gave him an excuse to look at him without overthinking. Sometimes he even started conversations just so he could watch him for a while. Eye contact used to be his worst nightmare. _Look at people when they’re talking to you_ , Kuroo would tell him. 

It was good advice, he thought, watching Shouyo’s animated expressions. He learned that he had a scar right next to his left eye, that when he laughed he usually closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The more he looked, the more he adored. 

Of course the person Kenma fell for would be someone gorgeous. How unfair, to be unable to tear his attention away for even a second. 

“You’re smiling a lot today, Kenma.” Shouyo said. 

To that, he said “You’re interesting, Shouyo.”

There were no more words between them, but that didn’t stop him from staring right back into the eyes boring into him. 

  
  


x 

  
  


Suddenly it made sense why Kuroo was so eager to be the one to pick him up later, Kenma thought while standing face to face with Shouyo's roommates. 

Tall, blonde, and lanky Mr. Tutor stared at him with a smirk. Yeah, this guy was totally Kuroo’s type, Kenma thought while fighting the urge to roll his eyes. 

The guy next to him he recognized as one of Shouyo's teammates who occasionally stopped by _Crows._ Forest green hair and eyes to match, freckles splattered across his nose and cheeks. His eyes darted between Kenma and Kuroo's tutor —what was his name again? 

As if reading his mind, Shouyo piped up. "This is Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. Well, I guess you already met them at the practice." _Ah,_ that's right. Tsukki, Kuroo had called him. "And guys, this is Kenma!"

"Nice to formally meet you, Kenma!" Yamaguchi said, with a wave while Tsukishima nodded, already looking bored. 

"Yeah," Kenma murmured, "you too."

It didn’t escape his notice the way Yamaguchi stood a little closer than normal to Tsukki, the way he absentmindedly tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear for him as if those casual tender displays of affection were habits formed over a long period of time. 

Kenma wondered how he should tell his best friend that boy in his sights was a lost cause. 

He’d have to worry about that later. Shouyo was eager to show him the "surprise" he had in store and rushed him away, much to Kenma's relief. They seemed nice enough, but meeting new people was still exhausting and Kenma already had enough on his brain. 

He was led down one of the halls to a set of bedrooms. "Kageyama is out right now, but this is his room and this one is mine." 

Kageyama, the barista with a scary face. He couldn't imagine how the two of them lived together considering all the bickering he'd witnessed at _Crows._

Up until then, he had tried to avoid thinking about being alone with Shouyo in his room, but now he wished he had mentally prepared himself because shit, fucking shit, he was already painfully aware of everything the boy did. But now he wouldn't have anything holding him back from doing things he sometimes thought about in the back of the coffeeshop. 

What's going to stop him from saying something stupid just to get a reaction? 

"So this is my room! Close your eyes." 

Kenma gave him a look, but shrugged and listened. He heard the door handle turn and then felt a warm hand against the small of his back. It was enough to set him on fire and he barely heard Shouyo tell him to open his eyes. 

There was an old game console laying on the floor, hooked up to a box TV placed on top of a small table in front of the bed, along with two game controllers that looked like they hadn't been touched in a decade at least. Fast paced, 4-bit music filled the room and the sound of it washed his unease away temporarily. The smile on his face was immediate. 

"I knew you'd like it!" 

He'd done this for Kenma, set this whole thing up. No doubt he had to dig that dusty console out of the bottom of a box somewhere. "I can't believe that thing still works." 

"I threatened it a little," he said, lowering his voice before saying in some completely made up accent " _Now listen here buddy, you're gonna turn on and you're gonna like it. Otherwise there will be consequences_ … And then it did!" 

"You didn't have to do all this." 

"But I wanted to. This might be the only game in existence that I can confidently say I'll win against you."

Kenma straightened. "Oh yeah? What game?" 

The glint in Shouyo's eyes was unmistakable, a challenge. "Super Volleyball." 

Kenma couldn't help but laugh, just a little. Of course. For a second he imagined a small childlike version of Shouyo sitting in front of an old television, playing this game for hours just because it was the closest thing he had to a real game. 

And then, for just a second, he pictured himself as a kid sitting next to him shoulder to shoulder with a controller in his hand too. 

He made sure to look him right in the eye, before leaning close, close enough that he could have counted every freckle on his face, and proclaiming "I won't lose," before taking a seat on Shouyo's bed. When he picked up the controller, he tried to ignore his unsteady hands. That was exactly the kind of thing he had been worried about, but with just the two of them he couldn't stop himself. He didn't dare look at Shouyo as he sat next to him, thighs close enough that they were almost touching, but when he listened to him speak he swore his voice was bordering on uneven. 

"Don't underestimate me, Kenma." 

He got a feel for the controls, his muscle memory and years of experience filling in the blanks. He waited until the game was about to start before saying "I've never underestimated you, Shouyo."

And it was true. When Shouyo was struggling during his first week on the job, he knew he'd get the hang of it. When he found out he played volleyball, middle blocker even, he'd only been intrigued. 

And now, he wasn't shocked at how quickly Shouyo could jump back in time and master the game so effortlessly, but rather impressed that he was quicker to do so than Kenma. 

It was a close game, and soon the sound of buttons being smashed was even louder than the music, but in the end the team that was defeated was Kenma's. 

Shouyo pumped his fist in the air and shouted. "Yeaaaah!" He let the controller fall into his lap and turned to Kenma, before bursting out into a fit of laughter. "Kenma, your face! You're such a sore loser!" 

Kenma, who was biting the inside of his cheek, looked away, which only made him laugh louder and soon he was clutching his stomach and falling back onto the bed. 

When he leaned back to lay next to him, they were even closer than they were before, arms on top of each other and their legs close enough that he could feel the other boy's leg hairs tickling him. Neither of them moved away. 

"That was fun, right?" 

Kenma huffed, but there was a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "I guess." 

"Don't worry, I know how you are. Next time you'll have figured out my strategy and found a way to beat me." 

"And then _you'll_ decide to bust out some hidden combo and completely throw me off guard. I know _you_." 

"Well I'm ready for a rematch whenever you are." 

"Me too." 

Only the two of them didn't move. Kenma wondered if he was the only one aware that they were moving closer with every word they said, the only one who felt the tension filling his lungs and making it hard to breathe. 

It almost felt like he was suffocating. 

Until Shouyo started to sing along to the game music. 

It wasn't some beautiful melody or anything like that. He was clearly just making up words as he went along, singing about the coffee shop and volleyball and video games,

and Kenma. 

And maybe his body was tired from setting the ball for him for hours earlier, maybe it was the fact that he had been up all night thinking about the way Shouyo had looked when he told him he smiled a lot the other day. But whatever the reason, as he calmed down and listened to the stupid song, his eyes grew heavy and before he knew it he slipped into unconsciousness.

He wouldn't remember when he woke up, but he dreamt of two little boys: one with tangerine hair and another with jet black. They stared at each other through an invisible wall, mirroring each other's movements. Their palms pressed flat against the wall and their hands were almost close enough to touch but whenever one of them pushed the wall grew thicker and thicker. 

And then they weren't children anymore. The little red headed boy grew up intol the boy from the coffee shop and soon black turned to blonde as the other boy grew into the same person Kenma saw everyday when he looked into the mirror. 

In fact, he had a feeling the wall was a mirror. But how could he be staring into a mirror and not see himself? He didn't understand. Suddenly he was frustrated and scared, and the mirror cracked, showing a mix of his face and Shouyo's, both etched with worry and confusion. 

And then it shattered completely and he was all alone. 

_Come back_ , he said. 

_Who are you speaking to, little one?_ said his mother, who was now beside him, running her hands through his hair, gentle, calm. He leaned into her and he wondered if he'd reverted back into his younger self. 

_It was just Shouyo_ , he said, voice small and childlike. _I hope he comes back._

_Oh, my little kit, just wake up._

He wouldn't recall anything but the feel of her smooth fingers in his hair as he slowly stirred from his nap. The feeling was so fresh he could practically still feel them, tender and sweet. 

He blinked, suddenly wide awake, but didn't move. It wasn't his imagination or the remnants of a sweet dream; someone was playing with his hair. And in a second he remembered where he was, who he had been laying next to when he must have fallen asleep. 

He turned over and caught his breath when his nose brushed against Shouyo's. Neither of them dared to pull back, but the hand that had been so tenderly stroking Kenma's hair reeled back. He caught it and held it above their heads. 

"What are you doing?" 

Shouyo gulped, eyes wide. That close, it was easy to read them and all the emotions swimming beneath their surface. 

"I like your hair," he whispered, and his breath was warm against Kenma's lips. 

He wanted to close the space between them so badly, but he wouldn't. Not before finally asking the question that he knew what the cause for the awful suffocating feeling he felt earlier. He needed to know, needed to be able to breathe again. 

There was a playful tilt in his voice when he asked "Is that all you like?" 

Brown eyes scanned his face, landing on his lips and staying there as he answered. "No." 

Kenma let his eyes close as the distance between them finally got smaller and smaller until they were half a second apart. 

And then there was a knock on the door. 

"Kozume?" It was Yamaguchi's voice, muffled through the door. "Sorry to interrupt but Kuroo is here." 

He sat up, head spinning. Shit, why now of all times? He checked his phone and frowned. He'd lost track of time, and Kuroo was nothing if not punctual. "Okay, um. Thanks!" There was an edge to his voice but he tried to keep his cool. Yamaguchi was a nice guy and undeserving of his attitude. 

It was if he'd been pulled out of some kind of high and was now crashing. Finally, he faced Shouyo, who was staring at him with an expression he couldn't read, half expectant half...hope? 

He needed to calm down. Whatever had just happened was good wasn't it? He was positive Shouyo was going to kiss him. And he _wanted_ him to. 

So why did he suddenly feel so overwhelmed? 

He took a deep breath, knowing he had to say something but not sure what. "Shouyo—" 

" _Oi!"_ The polite knocking was replaced with the obnoxious pounding he knew could only belong to his best friend. "Kenmaaaa! I hope you're behaving in there." 

His patience snapped. He stood up and swung the door open, staring up at Kuroo with the most cutting glare he could manage. "You couldn't just text me?" 

Kuroo raised an eyebrow, and briefly looked at Shouyo who was still sitting on the bed, eyes drilling into the bedsheets. When he looked back at Kenma he had the decency to seem apologetic. "I can uh, wait in the living room. But hurry up. The car's running." 

And then he was gone, leaving the door wide open. 

_Close the door_ , he thought. _Close the door and calm the fuck down and don't leave until you clear the air_. 

"Thanks for today," he said instead, hating himself. Where had that confidence from earlier gone? 

Shouyo nodded, forcing a smile. "Of course." 

If there was any chance for Kenma to soothe his thoughts, it disappeared at the sight of that fake look on his face. Earlier he'd thought he could so easily understand the emotions hiding behind the eyes staring back at him, but what if he was just seeing what he wanted to see? 

If earlier he was suffocating, now the air felt like it was being sucked out of him. It was almost painful. And why wasn't Shouyo saying anything?

"I should—"

"—Kenma, wait—"

—go." 

This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. And now his mind was too full to process his own emotions. He felt irritable and confused and out of control and over one stupid interruption. 

He needed to leave and get his thoughts together. "I'm sorry," he said and gave Shouyo one last fleeting glance before practically running out of the room. He didn't speak to Kuroo, who was sitting next to Tsukkishima on the couch, but he made sure to say a brief goodbye to Yamaguchi before he finally was outside. 

He knew Kuroo was right behind him, but he didn't stop walking, afraid that he would snap at his friend even though he knew it wasn't his fault. He wasn't the one who completely panicked and ran away from his own feelings. 

Because that's basically what happened. 

"Kenma!" 

He bit his tongue, and felt the stinging sensation in his eyes that only meant one thing. 

"Kenm–oomph" Kuroo slammed into Kenma, who had stopped in the middle of the road. "Sheesh, what's going on with…" He felt the breakdown starting before he heard it "...you. Hey," he said, spinning him around so he could see his tear stained face. "Kenma, are you okay?" 

"No." 

"What happened?" 

"I don't know." 

Kuroo nodded, and wrapped his arms around him. "Let's sit in the car for a while." 

Kenma nodded slowly, glad he had a friend who knew him well enough to understand him when he got like this. 

He sat silent in Kuroo's passenger seat for a long time, letting himself cry but trying not to turn into a sniffling mess. He rubbed his palm against his cheek and neck, wiping away the trails of tears stinging his skin. 

Kuroo was quiet, humming softly to whatever he had playing on the radio. They each had their own way or being there for each other, and his simple presence, his calm and steady hands on the steering wheel turning the car into their shared neighborhood, was a gift. There was no getting Kenma to talk before he gathered his thoughts and cleared his head. 

His phone vibrated in his jacket pocket and he didn't have to check to know it was Shouyo. 

6:48P.M. 

_Kenma are you okay???_

_Will you please call me when you can? I feel like you wanted to tell me something before you left and I definitely feel like I need to talk to you._

_I hope you get home safe_

The last text was time stamped almost ten minutes after the others. 

6:56P.M. 

_I'm so sorry please forgive me._

It was all he could do not to sob, but he held it in. What was he thinking, leaving like that? He hadn't even been thinking about how it must have looked to Shouyo. 

He started to type, unsure exactly what to say but knowing he had to offer something until he could get his thoughts together. 

But he just stared at the blinking line, clenching his phone tighter in his hands when his vision started to blur again. 

Kuroo parked the car, slightly hesitating before killing the engine and facing his friend. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not right now." 

Nodding, Kuroo unbuckled his seat belt and pointed at Kenma. "You stay here. I'm getting your stuff."

"What?"

"You're staying with me tonight. Don't argue."

x

It was two in the morning when Kuroo finally fell asleep, and as much as Kenma appreciated his effort, he was a little relieved. 

Kuroo had let him take a nice, long shower and lay down for a little bit before finally forcing him to talk. 

"So you choked, huh?" 

"Shut up." 

But he was thankful for the teasing. Overbearing mother hen mode was reserved for things where Kuroo truly didn't have any idea what to say. 

"Hey, Kenma?" 

"What?" 

"Remember when you and Lev kissed?" 

If there was a world record for how fast a pillow could be thrown at someone's face, he would have set it. 

"Ow! Hey!" He said before he got another hit to the face. "Just listen, I'm going somewhere with this!" 

Kenma slowly put the second pillow down. "Of course I remember, but that's completely different." 

"And why is that?" 

Because that was just a random kiss that didn't mean anything. Both of them had just been caught up in the moment. "I didn't like Lev like that." 

"Exactly."

"I hate when you do this. Just spit it out." 

Kuroo grinned. "No. The whole point is to get _you_ to say it out loud."

Rolling his eyes, Kenma looked out the window and forced himself to say "I really like Shouyo."

"And he likes you too, right? Didn't he kind of say so? So what's the problem?" 

Kenma hugged his legs close to his chest and burrowed his face into them. There it was, the core of all this. 

"What if he..." He took a deep breath before quietly whispering "What if he was just caught up in the moment?" His heart lurched as he said the words out loud, tears threatening to fill his eyes again. "I've never felt like this before and I don't want to lose him because I feel this way and he doesn't. Plenty of people flirt and kiss and say things they don't mean if the moment's right. God, I fucking hate you for making me do this." 

Kuroo wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close. "If it's any consolation, I think he feels the same way you do."

It was, but Kenma wouldn't admit it. 

“Kuroo, I have to tell you something.”

Kuroo sighed. “Don’t worry. I already know. Tsukki introduced me to his boyfriend before you stormed out.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, but he already knew. Kuroo was a lot of things, but more than anything he was selfless. “Well, whatever. Go ahead and let it out. It’s my turn to comfort you.”

Kuroo pushed him away and then it was Kenma's turn to laugh. 

They didn't talk about Shouyo anymore for the rest of the night, instead talking about all the ways Kuroo would be a great boyfriend and how maybe one day he would find somebody who could put up with his ugly laugh and addiction to seafood.

It cheered them both up, and when Kuroo finally fell asleep Kenma covered him up with a blanket and mumbled a small thank you. 

His own eyes stung from his mix of exhaustion and crying, but he knew he couldn't go to sleep yet. 

Guilt enveloped him. Shouyo's texts stared up at him, still waiting for a reply. He was probably fast asleep by now. 

There were a few times he'd picked up the phone and tried to form the words that he wanted to.

_You don't need to apologize. I wanted you to kiss me. I'm the one who's sorry._

_Sorry it's so late, but I needed time to think. Also, there's nothing to forgive. I'm the one who freaked out._

_I'm an idiot._

_I think I'm in love with you or something and I'm scared you'll realize I'm boring and not good for you._

But after hours of analyzing his feelings, with Kuroo's snores to encourage him, he sent the most basic response he could think of. 

2:27A.M.

_Hey_

He briefly wondered if he should say something else, but he didn't get the chance. Immediately, his phone was buzzing in his hand and Shouyo was calling him. 

His thumb hovered over the green receiver button, shaking. Finally he answered, holding his breath. 

For a moment, the line was completely silent. He almost wondered if he'd hit the ignore button on accident, and then he heard a familiar shaky breath. "Hello?" 

The sound of his voice, weary and heavy with exhaustion, sent another wave of guilt through him. All this time, he was awake too. Did he have his roommates to talk to? Tsukishima didn't seem like the comforting type, but Yamaguchi...maybe even Kageyama. 

He was too scared to ask. 

"Hey." 

A sigh of relief blew through the speakers, and then he was speaking hard and fast. "I was scared you were never going to speak to me again!" 

"Shouyo–" 

"I am so sorry, Kenma. I misread the situation. I was only thinking about what I wanted and completely took advantage of you're sleepy state and–" 

" _Shouyo!"_

He was so surprised by his own outburst that he made sure to check that he hadn't woken up Kuroo. But at least he had his attention. "Stop talking for a second. I'm going to step outside so I don't wake anybody up and then you're going to listen to what I have to say." 

His heart rate rose with every word he said. If only he was standing in front of him. For once, he wanted to be looking right into someone's eyes when he spoke. 

"Okay," he answered, voice flat. He sounded nervous. 

"I'm not mad at you," Kenma whispered, sneaking out of his bedroom door. He tip-toed down the hall, praying Kuroo wouldn't wake up and notice his absence. 

"You're not?" 

"No. Just give me a minute." 

The air was chilly, and Kenma wished he'd slipped on a hoodie before coming out. His apartment was right outside a major street, and even though it was late, a few cars were still out on the road. 

He appreciated the lack of stillness, proof that the world was still turning and lives moving forward. His would too, and if he could get this right, hopefully his life would move in the direction leading to the boy who held his heart in his energetic, lively hands. 

"Shouyo." 

"Yes!" He said instantly, voice cracking. 

"I'm sorry."

The line was quiet, and Kenma took that as his cue to keep going. 

"Listen, I think…"

His words caught in his throat. It was like he was staring up at a sudden meteor shower and Shouyo was his wish. There was a voice telling him that he couldn't say it out loud or it wouldn't come true. 

But he pushed that voice aside. The sky was clear and for once so was his head. 

"Shouyo, I–"

  
  


"Kenma, wait!" he yelled into the phone, frantic. "Please wait, just...okay. Um! I said I would but I can't listen to what you have to say right now. I know what you're going to say and I have a really selfish request first!" 

"I don't think you know what I'm going to say."

But the desperation in Shouyo's voice was clear, a tell that he wasn't going to back down. "I do! And it's okay! I can handle it, just…" He took a long, deep, breath. "Please meet me tomorrow because there is something I have to tell you first. I have to get it off my chest or else it'll eat away at me. And I know it's a lot to ask this of you but please will you listen to what I have to say? I'm not expecting you to change your mind about anything. I just need you to hear me out." 

Kenma huffed, hugging his free arm around himself. "Why can't you just tell me now?" 

His laugh was sad and awkward and it hurt Kenma to hear it, to be the _cause_ of it. This phone call was supposed to make him feel better not worse. 

"You know this isn't the kind of thing that should be said over a phone. I want to be able to look at you." 

Kenma wanted to scream. This was too much. How can one day start off so good and end so stressful? "I really don't know what you're talking about."

"A love confession!" 

Kenma almost dropped his phone. Shit. Did he hear that correctly? He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. With ringing ears he slumped back against a wall. 

His cheeks burned furiously. 

"Kenma?" Shouyo's voice was soft now. "Please. Meet me tomorrow?" 

He wanted to say yes, and almost did. But as much as he wanted to, "I can't." Tomorrow was saturday, and he'd agreed to help his lab partner, Akaashi, catch up with some things he'd missed. 

"Oh." 

"But I can Sunday."

"Oh!"

Kenma smiled, he couldn't help it. "Okay. See you, Sunday." 

"R-right." 

"And Shouyo?"

"Yes?"

"I really don't think you know what I was going to say." 

He ended the call and smiled to himself all the way back to his room. 

x

  
  


It was the longest day of his life and it was only a little after noon. 

Kenma tried his best to stay focused on the notes in front of him, but more often than not Akaashi would have to ask him to repeat himself and usually it would have been embarrassing but he couldn't even find it in him to care. 

His brain replayed the words over and over in his head. _A love confession! A love confession! A love confession!_

The way Shouyo's voice had squeaked, just barely. How on earth was he supposed to focus on anything else. He couldn't even maintain his average high score on his phone game on the train ride to campus this morning. 

Shouyo liked him.

That knowledge kept him from getting any sleep, and he was practically functioning on espresso and sheer will. (And his complete and utter inability to think of anything but Shouyo Hinata.) 

Last night he'd closed his eyes and for the first time since he'd realized his feelings, he let himself think of him in ways that he avoided before, not being able to stomach the feeling of guilt. Kenma was able to run his fingers up his arms and imagine they were Shouyo's hands holding him and pulling him close without feeling like he was violating his friend's trust.

He envisioned his hands in his hair, lips pressed together, words whispered in between kisses. All the things he wanted and finally felt close enough to grasp. 

He blushed to think how far his imagination might have taken him if he hadn't been sleeping in his best friend's bed. 

"Kozume?" 

Kenma blinked, brought back to his study session with Akaashi. "Yes?" 

"You're distracted." 

Kenma looked away, praying his thoughts weren't written all over his face. "Sorry." 

"Normally when you space out, you look so bored. But right now you seem so focused," Akaashi said, tapping his pencil against the notebook in front of them, "except not on this." 

"Yeah. Sorry." 

"You don't have to keep apologizing. But I am wondering if you're okay?" 

How embarrassing. "...I'm fine." No, he was struggling. 

Akaashi narrowed his eyes at him and for a second Kenma felt like all his feelings were laid bare, like his thoughts were being displayed across his forehead. But he just muttered a quick "Sure," before returning to their work. 

The next hour went by with Kenma attempting to keep his mind off of a certain bright, brown eyed individual and for the most part, he almost did. 

Almost. 

It must have been the way the clouds parted, leaving way for a sunbeam to illuminate Akaashi's features, and it almost made him laugh. It was like something out of a shoujo manga, but the person that should be sitting there wasn't.

Luckily, Kenma had an active imagination. 

In his head, he was sitting next to Shouyo. A study date? No. Shouyo wasn't a student. Instead he imagined them discussing a plan so completely farfetched that it could only ever happen in his head. 

Kenma, a graduate with his business degree, a budding CEO. Shouyo, a boy with dreams and almost enough money saved to fly him to Brazil. He'd be too shocked to say anything at first, when Kenma asked to be his sponsor, and he might even decline until he saw the serious look in his eyes. 

Fuck, he was so completely fargone. He wanted to see Shouyo.

"Akaashi!" an unfamiliar voice boomed, jostling the two study partners out of their heads. 

Kenma turned to Akaashi, studying him. Judging from the way his features softened, and the subtle turn of his lips, he knew the owner of the loud voice. 

Then his eyes found the man it must have belonged to. Tall, muscular with silver highlights. He stood out in a way that was deliberate, begging people to look at him. 

But Kenma barely gave him a second glance, because standing right next to him, eyes wide and mouth open, was Shouyo.

The world tilted upside down and his stomach flipped with it. Had his daydreams been some kind of summoning spell? 

He looked away for just a second before forcing himself to at least make a little eye contact. Shouyo was the one under the impression they didn't feel the same and he wanted to show him he was wrong in any way he could. But it was so _tough._ At least in his daydreams he didn't have to think about yesterday, what had almost happened, and how he completely fled from it. As much as he wanted to see him, he hadn't been prepared for how hard it would be, how stiff and heavy his chest would feel. 

Especially not when he was looking at him like _that_ , lips parted and cheeks flushed, eyes flickering between his face, the ground, and Akaashi whose face was lit up in a way Kenma didn't realize was possible. 

"Ah, Bokuto. Why are you here?" 

"I thought you could use a surprise visit to help motivate you! Also I just wanted to see you." 

Kenma gripped the edge of the table. _Say something._ His head was wracking to come up with something. 

Akaashi cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry Kozume. This is my boyfriend, Bokuto, and his friend Hi–" 

"Hi Kenma!" Shouyo blurted out. 

Kenma wondered if his face was the same color as Shouyo's right now. It had to be, the way his heart was pounding. "H-hi Shouyo." 

It was excruciating. 

"You two know each other?" Akaashi asked, eyeing the both of them. 

Kenma nodded, fully aware that Shouyo's eyes were glued to him. It was too much. He had to look away. "Yeah." 

The silence that followed would haunt Kenma for the rest of the day. Even though it was only a few seconds, he felt like every millisecond just sitting there while the boy he treasured stood there was a loss. Knowing they both had things to say but barely being able to muster up the courage to hold him in his gaze.

Bokuto, who hadn't been surprised by their acquaintance, laughed and Kenma let out a breath he'd been too afraid to let out. "Small world! Well, Hinata and I are about to go work on some spikes." 

"Have fun." 

When Bokuto stepped close to kiss his boyfriend goodbye, Kenma couldn't help but stare. His grip on the table tightened and he was utterly drowning in jealousy. 

Shouyo was _right there._ He felt like he was back in his bed, so close but so far. It wasn't fair and he hated himself for feeling so bitter, practically flinching at his own envy as he turned to look anywhere else.

His eyes landed on Shouyo and those feelings turned to stone, weighing him down further. Something had changed in the few seconds he'd looked away. The warm brown in his eyes darkened for just a second, filled to the brim with an emotion Kenma had never seen on his face before. 

But it disappeared almost as quick as it came, not giving him enough time to analyze it. 

His body moved before he could think. The sound of the metal chair scraping against the concrete rang through the air and then he was standing. All eyes were on him and despite that almost every voice in his head was screaming at him to sit down, he shut them all out and only listened to the small, scared whisper in the back. It told him he needed to talk to Shouyo _now_. 

He turned to Akaashi and pursed his lips, before saying "I'm sorry. Excuse us for a second." 

Shouyo's hand was tense when he grabbed it, and he let out a startled shout when Kenma pulled him away to find a quiet area away from prying eyes. 

After finding a place between two buildings, he stopped walking but waited to let go of his hand. He'd been walking fast and needed to catch his breath, but didn't want to waste a moment. He pulled Shouyo closer to him, begging for some kind of feeling to be conveyed. 

Shouyo gulped. "Kenma? Are you okay?" His voice was shaky and it only reminded him that their feelings for each other weren't out in the open– _his_ feelings for Shouyo. He should have just spoken up last night on the phone. 

"No."

There was no reply, so Kenma kept going. "I can't wait until tomorrow. Tell me what you want to say." 

"Now?"

"Please," he said, rather forcibly, pulling him even closer and breathing in the familiar honeysuckle scent. "Or else I'm going to go first." 

Shouyo huffed. "I don't want to right now." 

"Why?" Kenma couldn't get his face out of his head, and was trying not to lose his cool. 

"Kenma…" 

"I thought you wanted to tell me." 

"I did! I do! But that was before…" He gulped, seeming to finally notice the nonexistent space between them. His hand twitched in Kenma's. 

"Before what?"

Shouyo's voice was shaky, breathless.. "I saw how you looked at Akaashi." 

Kenma blinked. "What?" 

"Before we interrupted you! You had this face. It was all..." Shouyo pulled his hand away to lay his hair down, sighing dramatically and batting his eyelashes. "And then when they kissed, you looked so upset. And I get it, Akaashi is good looking and an amazing setter and you guys look pretty close and-"

"I was thinking about you." 

A pause. "Huh?" 

"When I was looking at him before you showed up I was thinking about _you_."

Shouyo was completely still for so long Kenma wondered if he was even breathing before he said "Oh." 

There it was again. That lull. 

Kenma couldn't take it anymore, and did something that would absolutely mortify him later. He leaned forward, trapping Shouyo between him and the wall behind them with both his arms. "So," he said, peering down into his chestnut eyes, "what did you want to tell me?" 

He expected the eyes staring back at him to look away, but they didn't. The look aimed at him was mirroring his own in intensity. 

It was absolutely thrilling.

When his phone started to ring, he almost wondered if he was cursed. 

"Are you kidding me?" He whispered, already planning a collection of curses to throw at Kuroo if he was the cause of this. 

But it was Akaashi. Shit. How long had they been gone? 

"You might want to answer that," Shouyo said, looking down at the screen. "Before they come looking for us."

Kenma really didn't want to answer it. "Hello?" He said into the phone, hating himself. 

"I think we should reschedule, Kozume." 

Even though he felt bad, the words were a respite. Until he added "And don't worry, I'll let Bokuto know Hinata will practice with him another time. So do whatever you've been thinking about all day so next time you can actually help me out a little." 

He wanted to bury himself into a hole and scream. "Sorry." 

"Don't be. Bye Kozume. Good luck." 

When the call ended, he peeked through the hair covering his face and wondered if Shouyo had heard Akaashi. Half hope, half dread; He searched for any indication that he had been listening. 

"What have you been thinking about?" 

He slumped forward, burying his forehead into Shouyo's shoulder and holding back a scream. Rather, he took a deep breath and mumbled into the orange hoodie, "You." 

Everything froze, or maybe it was just Shouyo who was frozen and Kenma couldn't be bothered to care about anything other than the boy right in front of him. 

“Kenma, look at me.”

Gripping the side of the hoodie, he slowly lifted his head and locked onto Shouyo’s stare. The urge to look away was strong, but not stronger than his feelings. He tried to reach into himself and pull out the confidence that had pushed the boy against the wall, but he held back, too scared that another interruption would pull them out of their trance. 

He waited for him to say something, _anything_. Each second felt more agonizing than the last. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just say something? Now Shouyo was looking away, lips tightly pressed together. More than once he looked like he was trying to say something but then he’d just poke out his lips in what could only be frustration. It was a look Kenma had never seen him make before, so frustrated and unsure and it was Kenma's fault and—

" _Aaaaaaaaaagh!"_ groaned Shouyo before he ran his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Kenma! This is so lame of me. I'm trying to act so cool so this isn't awkward but it's just making me feel awkward!" He looked like he wanted to say more but instead he sucked in a breath and reached for Kenma's hand.

His hand was warm, but it was nothing compared to his neck, which he'd now pressed Kenma's hand against firmly. He was so focused on the hand on his and the warmth spreading over him that it took him a second to process the pulse racing underneath the other boy's skin. 

"You make me so nervous. See?" He sighed, and Kenma stepped closer. "I couldn't even get any sleep last night." 

"Me neither." 

"Your hands are cold, Kenma."

"Oh," he whispered, instinctively pulling his hand back. "Sorry."

But Hinata didn’t let him, pressing it harder against his skin, which was trembling. "I like it! I like it. I like your cold hands. A lot." He paused, eyes locking onto Kenma's with that intense stare that drove Kenma wild. "I like you, a lot." he breathed out. 

Kenma took a quick breath. "Me too." 

The smile that spread across Shouyo's face was something he wanted to preserve in his memory for a long time. It was as warm as his skin, and it sucked out any anxiety Kenma had been feeling until that moment. “You do? For real!?”

It was impossible to hold back a laugh, he felt so light and elated. The moment evoked a sense of boldness in him, and let his forehead gently press against his. 

He didn't really hear Shouyo whisper his name as much as he felt it: the way his breath caressed his cheeks and his skin vibrated against his touch. It was soft but heavy with the exact same eagerness that Kenma felt flowing through him. 

Kenma kissed him first. He couldn't tell you it was gentle or soft because it wasn't. The kiss was messy and greedy but it was perfect. When it was over, Kenma caught a quick glimpse of Shouyo's cherry cheeks and swollen lips turned upwards in a smile before he was being pulled into another kiss. 

x 

Kenma’s apartment was close, and neither of them wanted to be away from each other after that, their bodies itching to be close. They held hands the entire walk.

"I'm happy," Shouyo said later when they were both sprawled close together under a blanket. "I'm so happy I don't think I'll fall asleep," he said despite the yawn that followed. 

Kenma said "You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." 

"Mm." He closed his eyes. "You always are." 

There was a boy asleep in Kenma's bed. and in his heart and hopefully in his future too. 

x

Walking into Crows felt different now. It was all he could do not to smile as he walked in. It was just a regular day, same as always. 

Except it wasn't, not really. 

When he waved to Shouyo, he knew he was probably blushing but didn't care. The color in his cheeks reflected the same shade coloring the face of the boy staring back at him. 

His boyfriend? They hadn't actually talked about that kind of thing last night, but he felt like it was the logical next step. Unless he was only thinking that because it's what he wanted. But he remembered the heartbeat raging against his palm, the tenderness in the kisses. They must have wanted the same thing. 

Suddenly he was anxious. He wished Shouyo was the one taking his order instead of Yachi, who had a brighter smile this morning when she spoke to him. 

While waiting for his order he wondered if he should try and get his attention, but he looked very focused on work. Kenma's stomach twisted and he went to start up his computer while he waited for his drink. 

"Kenma!" 

He'd never gotten up so quick.

Shouyo held his drink out to him with a shy smile. "Hey," he said. 

"Hi." 

"I'm about to go on break. Don't forget to make sure I spelled your name right!" And before Kenma could ask him what he meant by that, he zipped away into the back room. 

Spell his name right? Why wouldn't he—

Kenma nearly dropped his drink. He could only guess what his face looked like as he stared at the messy handwriting that said _Shouyo's Boyfriend?_

Until that moment he didn't know you could feel a smile with your entire body. He kept looking down at the words as he walked back to his table, right as Shouyo was turning the corner. 

His face was completely red. "Did you see it?" He asked immediately. 

Kenma nodded. 

"And," Hinata took a step closer, "It's okay? You want it?" 

He wanted everything to do with it. He wanted all the smiles formed just for him, all the kisses and hand squeezes and even the late night volleyball practices that he complained endlessly about. 

He wanted there to always be a boy waiting for him at his table.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> i hope you are all staying healthy and safe during these hard times. thank you for reading and happy kenhina day!!
> 
> feel free to analyze kenmas dream in the comments. id love to hear your takes. 
> 
> twitter: traitoruraraka  
> carrd: https://traitoruraraka.carrd.co/
> 
> this is deticated to ems for making me jealous because a girl at starbucks was flirting with her and she gay panicked.


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